Can you hear your biological clock ticking? Remain calm.

What do you think I have in common with Merle Streep, Brooke Shields, Rachel Zoe, Helen Hunt, Selma Hayek, Geena Davis, Susan Sarandon, Janet Jackson, Julianne Moore, Naomi Watts, Halle Berry, Christie Brinkley, Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Connelly, Celine Dion, Eva Mendes, Kim Basinger, Gwen Stefani, Uma Thurman, Iman, Madonna, Tina Fey, Molly Ringwold, Laura Linney, Alyssa Milano, Marcia Gaye Hardon, Beverley D’Angelo, Jane Krakowski, Annette Benning and countless other women???

We all had babies in our 40’s. I was 43.

These two grainy images are of me and David, a not so young couple, very much in love and planning our lives in the summer of 1997. We were 42 and 45.

You are a thought, a simple dream

Of me and Mum and of our need

To take a mammoth step in life

And go where many would not care

Nor dare to venture at our age.

I had my third child when I was 43. It was a different experience than when I had my son and daughter at 26 and 28. My son was my first and that is always special. He made me a mother. My daughter was my first baby girl and she was such an angel. I felt so very fortunate and I never thought I would have another baby. I had the “million dollar family”.

Bringing a baby into the world is a big decision, at any time. It has such a domino effect on everyone’s life. The ME, the WE, the THEM and all the rest of it. It is a big decision no matter when in your life it should happen but when you consider it later than most, it is a massive decision. When your life circumstances change, you can find yourself reevaluating your thoughts and feelings on what is right for you. I know that today women are delaying having children until their late thirties and forties. Not so much, 21 years ago :).

My husband David and I each had two children. Their ages were 20, 17, 16 and 14 when we were married in December 1997. We were closer to being empty nesters than we were to building and raising a family. This is our story.

I realize we were luckier than most at our age and it was a smoother road than many travel to bring a baby into the world at that stage of life. David and I got together in our 40’s. We both had two children and we decided to get married and make the six of us one big happy family.

As you can imagine, there was a whole lot going on at this time. The idea of having another child was not in my mind when we started planning our wedding and our blended family life together. David raised the topic first and after many, many, many discussions over time and an eventual unbridled excitement, we decided that our next step should be a visit to my doctor.

My appointment with my family doctor was not positive. She gave me some very startling literature about having a baby beyond the age of 40 (I was 42 at the time). We arranged for blood work to check my hormone levels. Leaving the doctor’s office 10 days later, having received the results of the blood test, I was pretty certain another pregnancy was not in my future. My doctor told me the chances that I would conceive were very, very slim. I felt dejected at hearing this news, even though a few short months before, I would not even have considered that I would be wanting to have another baby.

Our wedding was small and beautiful. David was a school principal at the time so our December wedding was during the Christmas holidays. We were able to honeymoon in Boston for 5 lovely days. The day after we arrived, we found out that I was pregnant! Even though we had discussed it and planned for it we were certain the blood test had determined it was impossible. I felt like I was truly a magical being!

When we came home from our honeymoon, we got a referral to an OB/GYN. We set up all of the tests that we knew we would need because of my age. Some baseline blood tests to detect certain birth defects and complications are given to women in their early thirties now. I can’t sugar coat this and say this part wasn’t incredibly stressful. It really was.

We elected to have a CVS (chorionic villus sampling), which would give us detailed diagnostics sooner than an amniocentesis. Waiting for the results was an agonizing four weeks. David was at work when I got the call with the lab results.

I went to David’s office for lunch every day. After the phone call from the lab, I drove to our local children’s store and selected the outfit that I had picked out only two days before. I had chosen newborn outfits for a boy and for a girl. I wanted to be prepared for either. David had his heart firmly set on a little girl. I had the tiny outfit wrapped in tissue and tucked into a box. I arrived at David’s office, breathless and walking on air. He was in a meeting with parents but he politely asked the parents to leave the office as he said he had a family emergency. I presented him with a box, filled with newborn items, all in pink. It was a girl. A healthy baby girl!

Two weeks before Victoria’s birth.

We waited until we had passed the 12 week mark and the testing period to let the family know. There were mixed reactions, some shock and then excitement. It was a lot for everyone to take on, with a new marriage and a new sibling. We love our children so much and they mean the world to us. We wanted them to want this little sister as much as we did. We enjoyed every moment of my pregnancy. I always loved being pregnant. There was a finality about this one as this was certainly my last pregnancy. I wanted to savour every moment. I honestly didn’t want it to end.

We had a beautiful, healthy 7 lb. 12 oz. baby girl on August 14, 1998. I was very lucky to have amazing care during my pregnancy, safe delivery and recovery. In my situation, I had a C-section which was a positive experience and I recovered very well from it.

I am so grateful that we decided to take that leap. Victoria has enriched all of our lives in many ways. She has been the common thread that is woven through us all.

I’d like to share some more of David’s writings to our unborn daughter. David started a journal, written entirely to a little girl, a future daughter, over three months before she was conceived. David already had several published books and therefore we were able to publish “Notes to My Daughter”. Our dear friend Yang did the watercolour illustrations and the book was beautifully produced. Here is a sampling.

Excerpt from the first journal entry, September 3, 1997

We first discussed you just last week

While driving out to Sandy Beach

Or English Bay or Tidley Cove

Or Stanley Park or to some mall…

You are a thought, a simple dream

Of me and Mum and of our need

To take a mammoth step in life

And go where many would not care

Nor dare to venture at our age.

You are now living in our hearts,

The ball is rolling, time is ticking,

Mother’s ageing and she’s worried

About your feelings come sixth grade,

About you feeling that we’re different,

That we’re older than the parents

Of your classmates,

That you’ll somehow be embarrassed

By the fact that she’s your mother

Oil painting of baby Victoria by Zhong-Yang Huang

The final verse in the book “Notes to my Daughter” reads

A star whose reason is to shine

Beyond the days when we are gone -

To share the glow, the one you’ll find

When you see us together…

Me and mother - there is magic -

From deep down - you have been chosen

To share the glow that we have sewn

Inside your tiny heart.

And here we are Christmas 2018. My three best decisions!!!

The poetry excerpts are from the book Notes to my Daughter by David Bouchard. The watercolours from the book and the oil paintings of Victoria are by artist Zhong-Yang Huang.

XOXO